


anywhere i go (there you are)

by phosphenical



Category: One Piece
Genre: Coping, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Illness, Modern AU, Romance, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, non-explicit self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 12:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18810931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phosphenical/pseuds/phosphenical
Summary: It’s almost like the worst day of your life is ordinary for everyone else.It had been a long, few weeks for Luffy. Then he meets a grumpy Roronoa Zoro in the waiting room of a hospital and gives him his number.





	anywhere i go (there you are)

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes you write incredibly self-indulgent zolu for you and your datemate.
> 
> please adhere to tags! there's non-explicit self-harm and mentions of mental illness. luffy is really going through it.

It had been a long, few weeks for Luffy. Time passed more like wounds on his body, red welts from picking and scratching and circles under his eyes that felt swollen and heavy but were invisible in the mirror. He swung his legs as he settled into the plastic chair of the waiting room, eyes fixed on his knees. He wondered if this would be the time would come out with an apology and pained expression. The thought made a sickly sweet substance rise up in his throat like bile.

 

Luffy mindlessly scratched at his thighs and tried to pinpoint the moment he became so comfortable with hospitals and doctors and all their paraphernalia. The too-sterile scent still burned his nostrils. He lifted his head, reverie broken with the sound of a chair screeching against the linoleum floor.

 

“Why’s your hair green?” He blurted without a second thought. The man startled, flinched backwards as though he hadn’t expected anyone else to be there.

 

“Why’ve you got a scar on your face?” The stranger shot back at him, recovering quickly. He crossed his arms across his chest then hissed in pain and dropped them back to his sides, one wrist dangling limply. There was dried blood caked on the corners of his lips and a black eye beginning to bruise.

 

Luffy couldn’t help it, his lips twitched into a smile. “‘Cause I was a making a point to someone.” He answered, mood immediately lighter than it had been the entire day thus far. The man accepted the answer and settled back in his chair. “Did you lose a fight? It looks like you lost a fight.”

 

His face twisted into a scowl. “You should see the other guys.” A green eyebrow arched - arrogant but honest. Luffy loved it. He found it hilarious, he found it entertaining, he found it distracting. Most of the time the people in the waiting room didn’t wanna talk none. He didn’t blame them for it but it made waiting all the more unbearable.

 

Luffy thrived on social interaction; he was terrified of being alone. It was easier to chase after people and ignore loneliness than it was to sit still and allow his thoughts to race and fester in his head. He opened his mouth, desperate to keep the conversation going but was interrupted by a nurse poking her head through.

 

“Roronoa Zoro?” She called out tentatively. The green haired man blinked at her and got to his feet.

 

“That’s me.” He said. “Listen, just wrap it up and I can go. I’m only here for workers’ comp.” He was rearing to go, and Luffy sympathized with his disdain for the whole process.

 

The nurse stared, almost horrified. “U...um sir. Your face is also...you should really come back so we can properly do our jobs. Get an x-ray. It could be a compound fracture.” She was a little flustered, unpracticed in corralling uncooperative patients.

 

“Oh,” the newly-dubbed Zoro said. “My face has nothin’ to do with my wrist, actually. Two different things. I don’t need a cast either, I heal really fast.”

 

Luffy couldn’t help it - he tilted his head back and laughed loudly. “Roronoa Zoro!” He grinned, the name almost spoken like a cheer. “That is _such_ a cool name!” It fit him too, especially with the intense glare he had unleashed on him. “Hey, hey! I’m Monkey D. Luffy. Let’s be friends.”

 

“No,” Zoro responded bluntly. “Your name sounds super fake, by the way.” He fixed a distrusting look onto the younger man, looking like he had expected Luffy had given him a false name. Which would be super weird, by the way.

 

“Maybe we’re all fake, ever thought of that?” Luffy got to his feet and bounced on his heels, rocking back and forth while he stared up at Zoro. He puffed his cheeks out.

 

Zoro glanced between the nurse and Luffy. “...what?” He looked helplessly lost and Luffy laughed again. Zoro shifted and turned to the nurse as though she could explain the behavior Luffy exhibited. “Okay, listen. I’ll go with you but just look at my wrist and give me a doctor’s note.”

 

The nurse opened her mouth, presumably to argue but then thought better of it and realized this was the best chance she was going to get. “Of course, sir.” She opened the door wider and Zoro walked through it. Luffy was alone in the waiting room once again.

 

He flopped down on his chair, gravity having gotten suddenly heavier on him only. It was a good distraction, for the time it was worth. The loneliness swung at him again but with less force. He picked at the fuzz on his shorts. He thought about all the fish in the sea.

 

Zoro returned to the waiting room before Ace did. Luffy lifted his head and smiled again at the man he was going to make his new friend. His wrist was bandaged but the doctor walking him out was making an impressive case for giving him a cast. “Nah,” Zoro refused with practiced ease. “Thanks, though. See ya.”

 

Luffy frantically patted his pockets down. “Wait. Wait. Waitwaitwait, Zoro Zoro Zoro - ”

 

“Oh,” Zoro said. “You’re still here.”

 

Luffy hopped back to his feet and popped the cap off the marker, looking far too satisfied with himself. “Here’s my number!” He scribbled it down on the bandages securing Zoro’s wrist before he could raise a single sound of protest. “Call me. Actually, don’t call. Text me!” His eyes were wide and shone with sincerity. “See you!”

 

Zoro glanced down helplessly at the number. “Couldn’t you have written it smaller?” He grumbled. Rather than being chagrined, Luffy lit up because that sounded like acceptance if he had ever heard it. “Bye, brat.”

 

Luffy stuck his tongue out at Zoro’s retreating back. “It’s Luffy!” He called after him. The door closed behind Zoro but another one opened. “Ace!” Luffy’s expression fell just a little when he saw how pale his brother was and how unsteady he was on his feet.

 

“You look pathetic.” Ace looked at him up and down, but his gaze was soft and his words didn’t bite the way they had when they were kids. “Let’s go home, Luffy.” He placed a heavy hand on his head and ruffled his hair.

 

Luffy chewed on his bottom lip. “Are you okay?” The question came out small. As many trips as they made, Ace never really seemed to get better. The nurses and doctors knew them by name but that wasn’t enough to make a difference and it made Luffy choke on nothing.

 

“I’m fine. The day I have a baby like you worry about me it’s all over.” Ace rolled his eyes. There was only one thing he hated more than being viewed as weak or injured; being viewed as weak or injured by _Luffy_. He slung an arm around his little brother’s shoulders. “Let’s go home.”

 

Luffy hesitated, looked at Ace, and forced himself forward.

 

* * *

 

Zoro didn’t text for a long time.

 

Luffy hadn’t forgotten about him but figured that he was prickly, he needed his space - he needed things that Luffy wouldn’t be able to overcome or provide in just one night of talking to him.

 

He came out of the shower with his hair plastered to the forehead and the back of his neck. The mirror was covered with a thick blanket of steam and he was grateful he couldn’t look at his reflection and see the miserable that had spent too long under water that was too hot, staring at his razor blade.

 

He pulled on his pants like a big boy and tugged a hoodie over his head. There was a blinking notification on his phone and he grinned when he saw it was a text from an unknown number.

 

‘ _it’s zoro. idk if you rmber me but i need a favor’_

 

_‘yeah!!!! ok!!!1!’_

 

_‘you don’t even know what it is yet??’_

 

_‘yeah!!!!’_

 

_‘...ok. i need you to come to the ring and pretend to be my student so i get paid’_

 

_‘ring?’_

 

_‘yeah, i’ll text you the address’_

 

It didn’t really answer his question but that just meant it was an adventure and he was always down for an adventure. He shoved his straw hat on top of his head and darted out the door, whistling as he did. A distraction was exactly what he needed - even if it was a little shady he knew he was tough enough to get himself out of any inevitable trouble.

 

Probably.

 

All in all it didn’t take him too terribly long to arrive as his destination and he pushed the door open without much preamble or investigation. The gym was small and modest but not uncomfortably so. Luffy blinked and swung his head from side to side until he spotted a head of untamed, green hair.

 

“Zoro!” He called, waving his hand and bounding over to him. He bounced on his heels. “I made it! This is what you meant by ring, huh? It’s really cool!” The music wasn’t loud but he still raised his voice to make sure his new friend was able to hear him.

 

“Oh, you actually came.” Zoro had the audacity to look surprised as though he _wasn’t_ the one to invite Luffy. Still, he didn’t look unhappy. His wrist was still bound but the bandages had been changed, no longer boasting Luffy’s big, blocky handwriting..

 

“I said I would.” Luffy sounded only a little affronted that Zoro thought he wasn’t going to show even though Luffy had _said_ he would come. Zoro was just going to have to learn sooner rather than later that he didn’t go back on his word. “So what do I hafta’ do?”

 

“Sit there and look pretty.” Zoro said flatly, unamused. Luffy blinked. “You’re going to learn to fight, obviously. Come on.”

 

“In my defense,” Luffy commented as he followed after Zoro, obediently holding his hands out when he was gestured to do so. “I’m very pretty. And besides, I know how to fight already.”

 

Zoro arched an eyebrow at that claim while he wrapped Luffy’s hands, snuggly covering his knuckles. Luffy opened and closed his fist a few times. “Not like this you don’t.”

 

That caught his attention. Within minutes he had been forced to pull his hoodie off, and even then his shirt was beginning to stick to his skin with sweat. Zoro led him through the warm-ups before getting into the fun stuff. Stretches and jumping jacks were well and good but it wasn’t what had been promised.

 

It didn’t surprise Luffy that Zoro was a hard-ass, constantly adjusting his stance by physically moving him and berating him when his form was weak. It just surprised Luffy that Zoro was so _into it_ , and that sort of enjoyment was contagious.

 

He found himself smiling in spite of it all while his fists pounded against the punching bag again and again. _And again._ His heart pounded in his ears and his blood sang with adrenaline. It coursed through his body and he felt... _good._ For the first time in a long time, he felt _good._

 

It was almost like a miracle unto itself. “When can we do that again?” Luffy blurted - physically exhausted but not tired in the slightest. Excitement was still shining in his eyes as he allowed his mentor to peel the bandages off his hands.

 

“You really liked it that much?” He tossed the old wrapping into the garbage. It was as though Luffy had been the one indulging Zoro, but in actuality it was the opposite.

 

“ _I loved it,”_ Luffy breathed out.

 

“Oh...well. You can come back, then.” Zoro gave him a tentative smile. “I’ll let you know whenever I come in to work. I have a lot of free time since I’m on injury leave.” His lip curled in disdain as he stared down at his wrist, offended by the weakness of his own body. It reminded Luffy of the way Ace felt betrayed by his own body and its imperfections.

 

He shoved that thought aside in favor of appeasing his growling stomach. “Let’s get food!” Luffy didn’t want the night to end - he didn’t want to come crashing down from his high. (He didn’t want to be alone.) He grabbed Zoro’s wrist with enough space to allow him to pull away without a struggle if he chose. “I know a diner with the _best_ pancakes.”

 

“Uh.” Zoro hesitated, glancing side to side like he was searching for the nearest emergency exit. “O...kay.” It sounded less like an answer and more like another question but Luffy let out his loud _PANCAKES_ cheer.

 

“By the way,” Luffy cheerfully said as an aside when he pulled Zoro into the diner and got them a table. “I don’t have any money!”

 

A vein in Zoro’s forehead twitched. “Is that so?” He asked between gritted teeth. Oblivious to the tension, Luffy nodded.

 

“I hope you have your wallet,” he laughed. “Otherwise that’d be bad!” He was far too cheeky and far too proud of himself for pulling off his plan. Zoro didn’t get up and walk out so he figured it was a victory for him. Dinner wasn’t a particularly talkative affair between Luffy shoving every crumb of food into his mouth while Zoro looked on with impressed disgust, but it was still nice.

 

Luffy didn’t usually feel so comfortable with people in silence but Zoro was different. He was solid. Probably warm. He looked like he gave the _best_ hugs and Luffy hoped that he would one day be able to test that theory.

 

They said their goodbyes outside of the diner and Luffy turned over his shoulder to give one last, huge wave before he walked home. The apartment he and Ace shared was dark and he heard quiet snoring coming from the bedroom.

 

There was an ache in his chest, but it throbbed dully.

 

* * *

 

It turned out they frequented the same places - they had just never noticed before they met. Now that they knew to look for each other Luffy was almost surprised by how often they ran into each other. Even when Zoro didn’t mean to end up where he was, he did - and Luffy discovered fairly quickly that it was because the man was so directionally challenged that no Google Map could save him.

 

It worked out...really well for Luffy, actually. He was able to pull him along for all of his adventures whenever they ran into each other. Zoro liked to grumble and complain but Luffy knew he secretly enjoyed it and was just putting on a face. Like a comet, he was pulled into Luffy’s orbit.

 

“Is that Zoro?” Luffy craned his head towards the entrance and cupped his hands around his mouth as a makeshift megaphone. “Zoro! Hey! _Zorooo!”_

 

“I swear you guys are stalking me,” Zoro complained as he neared their table, hands in his pockets. He looked only mildly put-out as Nami grinned up at him. Usopp gave him a salute.

 

“If anything,” Nami began, pushing her long hair over her shoulder. “ _You’re_ the one following _us_ around.” She stuck her tongue out and Luffy enthusiastically patted the empty seat next to him.

 

Zoro sat down.

 

“This is where Sanji works,” Luffy hurriedly explained. “So we _always_ hang out here. For free food and to bother him.”

 

“The blonde bitch?” Zoro questioned.

 

Usopp nodded. “The blonde bitch.” He confirmed.

 

“You’re all bastards and I hate you,” the blonde bitch glared as he walked past their table with a tray in his hands. “Except for you, Nami- _swan_! I love you and you are perfect in every way imaginable.”

 

Nami twirled her hair around her finger. “Didn’t I ask for a lemonade?” The lilt at the end of her voice somehow made the question sound more like a thinly veiled threat.

 

Sanji almost tripped over his own feet in his rush to get back to the kitchen. Usopp snorted. “You’re really scary sometimes, you know that?” He complained to her, though he didn’t look particularly frightened. Zoro only blinked as he tried to keep up with the group antics.

 

“Yeah, but it gets us food faster,” Luffy whined, putting his chin down on the table. “And I’m _starving._ ”

 

“Get your head off the table, it’s gross.” Nami leaned over the table and playfully swatted at him. “Besides, you’re always _starving_. I don’t really care if you expire while we wait. More food for us.”

 

“That’s so mean!” Luffy gasped in mock indignance while Zoro laughed at him. “Sanji’s restaurant is clean! Are you saying he does a bad job?!”

 

“It’s the table I’m worried about,” she teased. Sanji slid a glass in front of her and she nodded her thanks before her carefree expression morphed into a more tentatively serious one. “How’s Ace doing?”

 

Luffy bit his tongue. He shrugged. “Same as always.” He tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace and didn’t reach his eyes. He followed up with a one-shouldered shrug. “Hey, can we get appetizers?”

 

Usopp shot Nami a sideways glance and all the air in Luffy’s lungs left him in one fell swoop because he knew that look - he knew it was pity. It was going to be followed by a soft question of _are you okay? Do you need anything? We’re here for you._ The worst part was that they meant it. They really did want to help. Luffy clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms until he drew little crescent moons of blood from his skin.

 

Luffy was _fine._ He was hurt and he maybe hurt himself but it wasn’t as simple as ‘fix Ace and his little brother would be fixed.’ The infection went deeper than that - it was a sepsis of the blood. It wouldn’t get better. It wouldn’t. A tense silence fell over the table before Zoro cleared his throat.

 

“I’m in for cheesy fries.” He said and tossed his menu in the middle of the table, done with it. Usopp was a little skittish but he quickly agreed, relived by the change in topic.

 

“Alright, but I’m not covering your guys’ bill.” Nami played along, desperate to lighten the mood. It wasn’t until Luffy realized there was a lack of stinging pain in his palm that he looked down. Zoro had grabbed his wrist under the table, carefully pressing down on a spot he didn’t know he had that loosened his fist. He didn’t glance over at Luffy once as he did it. He didn’t give any indication, he didn’t make a big deal out of it.

 

Luffy released a slow breath and forced his shoulders to relax. He offered Zoro a small but sincere smile before he carefully pulled his hand free. He missed the warmth and the solidity of Zoro against his skin almost immediately. It was a weird feeling, one that he wasn’t in any place to decipher right now. He folded the thought up like a little note and tucked it away in the corner of his mind for later.

 

Zoro shifted just enough to silently let Luffy know that he got the message. The muscles in the corners of his lips twitched, almost like he was holding back a smile in return.

 

Luffy didn’t get the chance to say anything until after lunch. Nami and Usopp split off with a cheerful wave. True to her word, Nami made them all pay their fair share of the lunch bill, even as Usopp and Zoro muttered complaints because Nami got free food and Sanji was, as they put it, a total dipshit.

 

“Can I come back to the ring?” The question itched until he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

 

“I said you could,” Zoro blinked. “Like...right now?”

 

“Yeah.” Luffy didn’t want to think anymore - he wanted his fists to hurt but he wanted it to be because he was doing something. He wanted pain and he didn’t want to feel guilty about it. It wasn’t bad if Zoro was the one directing him, helping him to be better than the sad little thing he actually was.

 

“Okay.” Zoro tilted his head, his dark brown eyes lingering for just a moment too long. “I have the keys.” He lead them in the completely wrong direction and Luffy furrowed his brows.

 

“Zoro, don’t we gotta go to this way?” He had only been to the ring once but he was fairly certain he knew what he was doing. Well, sometimes. Probably like...20% of the time. Luffy pointed down the street opposite of where Zoro was trying to go.

 

His cheeks turned pink. “Yeah.” He agreed a little too quickly and a little too loudly. That didn’t instill a ton of confidence in Luffy because he would have thought that even the most directionally challenged man would know how to get to his job by now. Maybe he was giving him too much credit.

 

Despite his initial embarrassment Zoro did manage to correctly lead them correctly the rest of the way. He unlocked the back door and turned the lights on. Luffy made an immediate beeline towards the punching bag, eager to take out all his frustrations. “Wrap me up, c’mon.” He impatiently stuck his hands out and Zoro rolled his eyes but he obeyed regardless.

 

Luffy clenched his fists. This felt good. This felt right.

 

He made Zoro push him to his limits and then past it. Zoro didn’t disappointed - he made him work as long as he could to get as far as he could. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, he stood on his tiptoes, and he kissed Zoro.

 

* * *

 

Luffy didn’t always think everything through, but when his lips met Zoro’s it felt a lot like the wrappings around his hands. Secure, snug, something that wasn’t naturally there but could be made into something. Zoro stiffened and Luffy drew back. He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. He didn’t want to cross a boundary. There was an apology on the tip of his tongue but he wasn’t able to fully pull away before Zoro chased after him to enthusiastically respond to the first kiss wordlessly.

 

Luffy fell back flat on his feet. His cheeks were flushed and his breath was just a little heavy. “I like you a lot.” He admitted to Zoro, just in case the kissing didn’t make things clear enough for him. Zoro stared at him, pupils dilated but warm and soft.

 

“I like you a lot too.” He answered honestly.

 

He kissed him again.

 

* * *

 

They didn’t make an announcement about it but they weren’t subtle, either. Luffy was especially guilty, always grabbing at Zoro’s hands and kissing his cheeks, his forehead, the corners of his lips. Every inch of skin he could press himself against he did. Zoro liked to grumble but his cheeks would turn a delightful shade of pink and he never told Luffy to stop.

 

Therefore, everyone else caught on quickly. Wherever Luffy was invited, Zoro tagged along because there was no where else he would rather be. Stories were no longer just about _him_ \- they were now about _Zoro and him_. Vivi joked that they were a cohesive unit unless otherwise specified. An extra chair was pulled out for Zoro.

 

“You should meet Ace.” Luffy leaned up against Zoro while they mindlessly wandered the city. He swung their joined hands. Zoro stopped walking and looked at him like he had grown a second head. “What?”

 

“Nothing.” Zoro said after a considerable pause. “It’s just...I dunno. Nice that you’re introducing me to the ‘rents and all.” He flashed a grin at him. “Guess that makes me a keeper.”

 

“Of course you are!” Luffy gaped at him, shaking his hand. “Besides, Ace might act like my mom but he isn’t _really_ my mom. He used to be real mean to me, you know? He’s just nosy, though. But will you?” He tugged on him for an answer.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Right now?” Luffy tested with a sheepish grin.

 

Zoro slowly exhaled through his nose and looked like he was valiantly fighting off a headache. “Yeah, okay. Might as well.” He didn’t look particularly confident but there was no doubt present on his face or in his gaze. Luffy smiled up at him, soft and careful. He stood up on his tiptoes to press a kiss to the tip of his nose.

 

“Okay, _keeper,_ ” he teased. “Ace will like you! I think.” He shifted on his feet before he gathered his bearings and began to lead Zoro down the sidewalk. He weaved between people but wasn’t in any rush.

 

“You _think?_ ” Zoro raised his voice.

 

“Well, yeah.” Luffy chose to ignore the incredulity emulating from his boyfriend. “He’s really protective of me and stuff but he’s a good guy. Last week he stuck aluminum foil in the microwave.” On second thought, the aluminum foil story had nothing to do with Ace being a good person. There was just nothing Luffy enjoyed more than making fun of his big brother.

 

Zoro didn’t have a response to that - it either wasn’t worth the effort or he didn’t have the words for it. He was silent on the walk to Luffy’s apartment but it didn’t bother Luffy. He was never bothered when Zoro didn’t have anything to say. Sometimes he knew that Zoro came across as intimidating or cold but he knew better by now. He had a tendency to gather data then withdraw to mull it over. Luffy always had more than enough to say and would prattle off meaningly things that he knew Zoro heard anyway. He took it in, he catalogued it; Luffy was the one saying it and Zoro was always attentive to him. Zoro always cared.

 

It made Luffy’s heart skip a beat.

 

“Ace!” He called out as he fought to get the key out of the door, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. “ _AAAACE!”_

 

“Why the _hell_ are you shouting so loud?!” Came the equally loud response. Zoro winced.

 

“Meet Zoro!” Luffy barely shut the door behind him before he bounced all over the apartment. On the couch, off the couch. Grab the key, play with it, put it back down again. “Ace, _c’mon!_ ”

 

“I am _coming!_ ” The apartment wasn’t huge. It was a modest thing with a shared bedroom, kitchenette, and bathroom that was big enough to squeeze counter space that the brothers still fought over in the mornings. It was exactly because of its size that Luffy was impatient - it shouldn’t have taken Ace any time to reach the space they called their living room.

 

“Zoro, Ace. Ace, Zoro.” The words left his mouth in one fell rush. Ace looked a little tired, his face not quite healthy with color, but his smile was wide.

 

“It’s nice to meet you. Thanks for looking out for Luffy - I always worry about the brat.” Ace stuck his hand out. Zoro looked at it for only a moment before he shook it.

 

“Believe me,” Zoro said quietly. “I get it.” Ace barked out a laugh.

 

It was approximately four minutes later when they were all on the couch that Luffy realizes he made a mistake in bringing Zoro to meet Ace because Ace begun to tell his boyfriend about the most embarrassing stories involving Luffy and his childhood and Zoro was having the time of his life.

 

“No fair!” Luffy cried out, trying to crawl over the back of the couch to silence Ace the only way he knew how. A pillow to the face. It ended the way it always did - him pinned underneath his brother because somehow Ace always won when it came to wrestling. Luffy wiggled, very determined to be set free. Ace goaded him on, poking at his cheeks. Luffy tried to bite his fingers. He did not succeed.

 

“Hey,” Ace said suddenly. “Is your boyfriend okay?” His voice was quiet as he leaned down to speak into Luffy’s ear. Zoro hadn’t said anything in a bit - which wasn’t unusual. There was, however, a distant look in his eyes, like he wasn’t exactly...there.

 

And that _was_ unusual.

 

Ace let him up and Luffy focused his gaze on his boyfriend, carefully fitting himself against Zoro’s side. He tugged on his shirt lightly. “Zoro?” He asked hesitantly, wondering if something was wrong. Ace was silent next to him.

 

“Hey, Lu,” he said slowly, understanding dawning on him. “Might just wanna give him some time.” His dark eyes narrowed in thought and Luffy swivelled his head to stare.

 

“Ace? What is it?” Because if Ace knew something and wasn’t telling him then he was definitely gonna be mad. “Tell me!”

 

Ace only shrugged. “I don’t know for sure without asking him...but trust me on this. Let him come back on his own terms.” He didn’t bother offering a further explanation but he did get to his feet. “Don’t be too loud, I’m gonna nap.” He lazily waved over his shoulder.

 

Luffy stuck his tongue out at his retreating back but appreciated the fact that he gave them some space regardless. He let his head rest against Zoro’s shoulder and began tracing mindless shapes and patterns on his arm. “It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk,” Luffy murmured. He felt like he had been sitting there for forever before Zoro finally moved. He looked more like himself when Luffy glanced up.

 

“Sorry.” Zoro averted his gaze and lifted the hand that wasn’t trapped to scratch the back of his head. His embarrassment was clear as day.

 

“For what?” Luffy blinked. He tilted his head, trying to understand.

 

“For zoning out. It happens sometimes.” Zoro seemed to grimace at the casual wording and only squirmed further when Luffy didn’t turn his intense gaze away. “It’s like...brain fuzz.”

 

“You don’t gotta apologize for that,” Luffy told him seriously. “I don’t mind. Just let me know what to do so next time it happens I ain’t messing up.” Because there would probably be a next time - Luffy had no plans of leaving Zoro.

 

“Just…” Zoro’s face warmed. “What you were doing was good. Not pressuring me or forcing me to try and talk. Just being there.” He stared down at his knees until Luffy nuzzled into him and forced his attention back on him.

 

“I don’t mind,” there was nothing but sincerity in his voice. “It ain’t weird. If you can talk or if you can’t. Whether you gotta zone out or not for a little bit. It’s okay now that I know what it is.” He flashed a grin at him and scrambled into his lap, kissing him right between the eyes. “I love you!”

 

If Zoro wasn’t red earlier, he most certainly was now. “W - the - ”

 

He didn’t regret saying it. “You don’t gotta say it back if you can’t.” Luffy assured him, wrapping his arms around his neck while he nuzzled into the side of Zoro’s neck. “I can wait as long as you need.”

 

* * *

 

The first thing he called was the ambulance. The second thing he called was Zoro, even if he wasn’t aware of it right away. His trembling fingers pressed down on the contact number and he didn’t even register that Zoro had picked up until he spoke. “Luffy?” Zoro’s voice sounded tinny on the other end. Bad reception.

 

Luffy tried to say something. Zoro repeated his name with more urgency. He couldn’t stand up, he couldn’t look at anything except his brother because he might stop breathing if he did.

 

“Ace,” he choked out. “Ace collapsed and I called the hospital and - ”

 

“Okay.” Zoro’s voice was steady and calm, the lighthouse in the storm. It lit the way through his haze of tears and _panic panic panic._ “Okay. Ride in the ambulance with him and then I’ll meet you there. Got that?”

 

Luffy let out a whine.

 

“Luffy.” He tried again. “You got that?”

 

“Got it.” Luffy weakly reaffirmed and wiped his face with the end of his sleeve. “S-see you.” The doorbell rang and he lurched to his feet to answer it. He tried to provide all the answers to all the questions the paramedics asked but it was all so much and it was so _loud._ He made them promise to help Ace. He made them promise to not let him die.

 

One of them took him by the shoulders and led him into the back of the ambulance. Ace looked far too still. He looked nothing like himself. The ride was a blur of lights and nausea.

 

They made him sit out in the waiting room - he was just going to get in the way if he tried to go in, they said. You need to let us work, they said.

 

“Luffy!” Zoro’s appearance was dishevelled but the second Luffy heard his voice he burst into a fresh round of tears. Zoro didn’t waste any time in dropping his messenger bag to the floor. He wrapped Luffy up in his arms, one hand holding the back of his head.

 

“I don’t know if he’s gonna be okay,” his words were hardly intelligible and the front of Zoro’s shirt was quickly becoming covered in tears and snot. “They don’t know either and-and I hate _waiting here uselessly!_ ” Save Ace, save Ace, please. Please save my big brother.

 

Zoro rubbed circles onto his back. “Let’s sit.” He pushed him down into a chair and awkwardly tried to hold him over the armrests of the plastic chairs. Luffy was just glad he didn’t ask any questions about what happened because he couldn’t say anything even if he wanted to. It was taking all his concentration to not fall apart. “It’s gonna be okay.”

 

He really, really wanted to believe him. Luffy shook his head.

 

“No,” Zoro insisted. “It will be. No matter what happens, you can handle it.” He squeezed his arm. “And you ain’t alone.”

 

“Okay,” he conceded in a whisper. “Okay.” He pressed his forehead against Zoro’s shoulder and closed his eyes with an exhale that shuddered. The world went quiet like it was holding its breath alongside him. When he blinked Zoro had an arm around him and was leading him out of the hospital. It was dark out.

 

“They’re gonna call us as soon as they know anything,” Zoro was telling him. He had maybe been talking for a little while but Luffy couldn’t focus on any of his words. “But I’m gonna take you home and we can come back first thing in the morning.”

 

The pavement was uneven but the skies were still whole. He wondered how the world could still hold itself together while Luffy was doing everything in his power not to crumple to the ground on bloody knees. Zoro drove him home. The city was a blur of streetlights and neon signs that had no meaning to him but were still witnessed with streaky vision.

 

“I feel sick,” he said as he pushed open the door to his apartment. He didn’t even lock it behind him when they left. Luffy didn’t have the energy to care. It was just a door, but Ace was his only brother. “I’m gonna be sick.” He darted to the bathroom just as the heaving began. He clutched the sides of the toilet and felt absolutely miserable. “Zoro.” He moaned pathetically.

 

“I’m here,” Zoro said from behind him, brushing the hair out of his face. “I’m here, Luffy.”

 

He heaved out another sob. There was nothing left for his stomach to try to expel and even his eyes seemed to have run out of tears - puffy and red and sore. “I’ve hurt myself,” he confessed suddenly. “Sometimes I get into fights on purpose. Sometimes I scratch myself or I use - ”

 

“I know, Luffy.” Zoro said, voice uncharacteristically hushed. “It’s not your fault. But I know.”

 

 _Then why didn’t you say anything?_ He wanted to demand. _Why did you think I was okay?_

 

Zoro helped him to his feet in lieu of an answer to the questions Luffy didn’t ask. He pulled off his shoes and carefully set his straw hat on the nightstand. Luffy realized with a start that nobody was pretending that he was okay except for him. He was the guilty one.

 

“Don’t go,” Luffy blindly reached out for Zoro and found his hand. He squeezed. “Please don’t leave me. I don’t wanna...I don’t wanna be alone.”

 

“I ain’t going anywhere,” Zoro assured him as he eased himself onto the bed next to him, using his free hand to run through Luffy’s hair. “Sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. Thought you didn’t want anyone to be on your back about it, or pressuring you.” Even in the dark Luffy could see the outline of a grimace. “I wanted to help in other ways. Like making you punch your feelings out, or talking you on walks when you got that sad look on your face.”

 

“You did - do help.” Luffy, for the first time, felt like he could talk. Like there was a weight lifted from his chest. The world exhaled with him. “But it - nothin’ is gonna fix me.”

 

“Nothing about you is broken.” Zoro spat out, harsh. “Don’t go saying shit like that. Like...like you need to be fixed.” His hand tightened around Luffy’s, almost painfully so. “You hear me? You ain’t weak. You ain’t broken.”

 

Luffy closed his eyes instead of facing Zoro. “I think I am, sometimes.” He whispered. “I don’t want nobody to pity me and whenever Nami or Usopp bring up Ace,” his voice cracked on his brother’s name, right in half. “I get mad. Like really mad.”

 

Zoro was quiet next to him. “They care about you. It proves you ain’t alone. You don’t have to carry it all. You shouldn’t.”

 

“What if Ace isn’t okay?” Luffy dared to ask. “What do I do?”

 

“I don’t know,” Zoro admitted honestly. “But we’ll get through it. No matter what happens,” Zoro released Luffy’s hand and took a deep breath. He tapped on his chest, right over his heart. “I’ll follow you. Wherever.”

 

Luffy fell asleep with Zoro’s palm over his heart and finally breathed.

 

* * *

 

“Luffy, hurry up!” Nami craned her head and pointed desperately to the platform, her suitcase knocking into her ankles while she attempted to wheel and tame it at the same time. “I swear to God, someone get Zoro before he gets lost - too late he’s going the wrong - ”

 

“We’re all going to die,” Usopp moaned. His backpack resembled a tortoise shell on his back since it was nearly as big as he was. “None of us will survive this weekend. I suddenly have can’t-go-to-the-beach disease!”

 

Luffy looked over at Zoro, whose sunglasses were perched on his head as he tried to make a left turn for the third time.

 

“The train is coming, dipshits!” Sanji shouted, the rest of Nami’s bags balanced precariously in his arms like a scene out of a bad movie. “If you miss it we’re leaving you behind!”

 

“No!” Luffy practically screeched in the crowded station. He had been looking forward to this beach trip for _weeks_ and would never forgive any of his friends if they went without him. “Oh no, Zoro! Zoro!” Zoro managed to break free the exact second he turned away.

 

He saw a flash of green in a sea of brown and black. Luffy grinned, smile as bright as the sun and he chased after him. He slipped his hand into Zoro’s. “Hey,” Zoro had the audacity to look surprised. “You caught up.”

 

Luffy rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Zoro.”

 

“Hey,” Zoro leaned down, lowered his voice. “Love you.”

 

Luffy’s heart almost stopped. It didn’t matter if they missed the train, he decided;

 

“I love you too!”

 

because they never had to go alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> hewwo, thanks for reading this wild ride. [i am also on twitter!](https://twitter.com/galaxikoi)
> 
> it's not the most fleshed out AU but it went where it wanted to. i imposed a lot of very specific headcanons on these characters (such as zoro becoming non-verbal and luffy recklessly endangering himself as a form of self-harm) but i like to think it has some basis in canon.
> 
> either way it was written for my most wonderful sunflower, lu. if you're reading this i love u so much. even if you aren't reading this i love you and will brag about you.
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated but never necessary! have a good one.


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